Sept-Oct. update..I really have to get better at updating..

What a couple of months it has been!

The absolute best part of the past couple of months was that Matthew turned 1!!! Happy birthday to my not-so-little-but-still-my-baby boy!! We had a wonderful time celebrating w/Huey's family and my sister that night. Matthew was in such a great mood that night and though the party was for him, I think he brought more joy to my inlaws. He's still not walking yet, but he's great at cruising. He points at everything, says "gguh" for "eeguh" (this one), does "sahlangheh yo" with his arms (but rather than making a heart above his head, he just taps his head), waves goodbye like it's no ones business, says "uh-uh" for uh-oh and he's eating just about everything now like miyukgook, galbi jjim, grilled cheese, etc. he's growing up!! :) here are a few pics..more to come!

visit to Virginia and beyond...

We went to visit grandma and grandpa in Virginia from July 20th-August 12th--the shortest & longest three weeks of the summer for me. The brevity of those three weeks is due to Matthew's great developmental accomplishments. He went from squirming like a worm on the floor to crawling on hands and knees in a short 5 days! I'm sure all that squirming and maneuvering on his belly all attributed to his increased ability to get himself from point A to point B, but it literally took about 5 days to get to the next level for him, and boy it was amazing! I couldn't be prouder to see my boy crawl. Not only that, but his personality is shining through even more. When he gets happy or excited he expresses it by laughing while clapping and turning around in sitting position. He looks as though he's on a mini merry-go-round; it's the cutest sight ever. On top of that, he's learned that "up, down" means put your head up then down. By the end of our trip, this was translated into "ahn nyung hah seh yo" in which he just drops his head down. If he likes you he'll keep nodding his head up and down, making you say "ahn nyung hah seh yo" over and over again. Sometimes I wonder who's playing with who here. hehe.. When his daddy got back from Canada, he taught M the word "bahksoo." Not that he could say it, but he definitely understands and responds by clapping his hands. I have such a smart boy!

As awesome as it was to witness all these little milestones, the three weeks were TOO long to be without my husband. He was off in Canada with a group of kids from our church doing missions work in Gitanyow--a Native American village. How I wanted to be there!!! But, I knew that my role was to stay home, take care of M and pray, so I did and God was more than my comforter. Many times I felt like my heart physically ache because of his absence, but I prayed into it, asking God specifically to be my comforter and He was. Thank You Jesus! Sometimes I wish I could just be somewhere like Gitanyow, or Newark airport on the morning of Huey's arrival, but as a mom I have to put M first, which in all honesty is really hard for me sometimes. I love him and would give up my life for him, but sometimes I just want to do something for me, you know? And I can't. Being a mom is no easy role; it's all about being selfless--about putting my family's well being before my own. It's hard, and sometimes I feel like I'm at the edge of tipping over when taking care of my family and home. This compels me all the more to pray because I know I just can't do it on my own....

I pray and ask God for much needed grace, wisdom, patience, a good sense of humor and passionate love because I know my family needs me to embody these things.

I pray and desperately ask God to help me because I love my family.

Those three weeks away from Huey were probably the hardest weeks, along with all the other weeks he's been away. This time around though, it wasn't AS bad as the other times b/c of one thing: I embraced my role as a mom and a wife--I stayed home, took good care of M and prayed for my husband. It's much easier to live life to the fullest when you actually start to embrace your role, your circumstance and situation that's in front of you.

A few more updates:

- M now points to things that he wants and pushes away things that he doesn't want (i.e. the milk i'm trying to feed him for HIS OWN GOOD! sigh..)

-M will not stay still while having his diaper changed. This poses a HUGE and MESSY problem when he's pooped. And let me tell you, his poop is no ordinary little poop that you would think would come out of a little baby. OOOHHHH NOOOOO!

- M loves it to be quiet and will yell at anyone who is making too much noise (i.e. he yelled at everyone during the mini-olympics at the retreat. another i.e. he yelled at zoie for screaming. )

-M loves to play peek-a-boo. He always has, but really cracks up each time...love it!!

-M LOVES cell phones, cable boxes, laptops/computers, and remote controls.

-M LOVES books and is quite skilled at flipping pages.

2 Years and Counting :D :D :D

For all those years I talked about, cried over and wondered if I would ever find a man--a good quality, God-fearing man--I am so very glad that I could sit here today and say that I am married to Huey, the man that I dreamt of and desired. I remember the first time I knew I was going to marry Huey...it was right before our 1st date. I know, seems kind of like...I can't think of the word..like Woah! Slow down Alice! (My vocabulary has decreased tremendously since my pregnancy.) But I remember that exact moment. It happened at morning prayer meeting. I read Mark 10..

4They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away." 5"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. 6"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.'[a] 7'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,[b] 8and the two will become one flesh.'[c] So they are no longer two, but one. 9Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

At first I thought why is God telling me about divorce??? And I'll get to that later. After reading the rest of the verses though, I knew from then on that I was going to marry Huey. This is what God intended when he created marriage. This is what He intended for me and Huey. Never did I feel such conviction and certainty. I was SO overwhelmed. SO excited. I had grown up watching my parents love each other, grow together, and be each other's best friend, and I was SO ready to start that phase of my life with Huey.

At the start of this section of Mark 10, Jesus addresses divorce and states that the only reason why it exists is because "your hearts were hard." I've only been married for a short 2 years, but I could see how if you hold a grudge here, make an assumption there, and never really communicate and open up to change, then one's heart could become hard to the point of no return. But, this is one of the greatest things about loving Jesus and marrying a man who loves Jesus. No matter what happens--no matter what kind of misunderstanding we go through, or what type of hardships we face in our relationship--I know that there will be an end to it, and that the outcome will only bring about a deeper closeness between the two of us. I know this b/c Huey and I are both committed to God b/c we know we can't live w/o Him. That translates into our commitment to one another. There is no leaving or looking outside of our relationship for answers. It's within our hearts. Divorce happens b/c one's heart gets hard, so to avoid all that ugliness, I've learned that when things get yucky I have to first look w/in my heart and ask myself honestly if there's something that needs to be dealt with. Before I point fingers or lose control of my emotions and thoughts, I have to be introspective and honest with myself. I have to make sure that my heart isn't hard, but rather it's sensitive, full of love and grace. I have to make sure that sin (ex. my insecurities) is not dictating how I respond in a certain situation, but that my heart is pure and again, full of love.

This is not something that's easy nor is it pretty. It's hard searching in my heart b/c I tend to find out things that are SO ugly and that I just do not want to even start dealing with. But, as hard as it is , I have to say that it's much harder being upset b/c my husband and I aren't communicating well. And in all honesty, all this soul-searching, repenting and forgiving has brought me SOO much deeper in my relationship with God and with Huey. It's actually been one of the best things about being married.

So, with that said I just want to say that I am so thankful for my husband. In the past two years, he has shown me what commitment is all about. He's been persistent, gentle, so kind and loving, always willing to be better for me, helping me to be better with God, accepting all of me (my extra 30 lbs and some! haha) and always praying for me. I couldn't ask for more. I pray that I may always be a wife that's deserving of such a husband. God help me to love him the way you do!

So, cheers to 2 years babe! I wish we could celebrate it together today, but it's just one day out of the many more days that we'll be spending celebrating our life together. I love you!

M.'s latest moves: crawling, spinning and sitting up from crawl position

In the past week or so Matthew has really been perfecting the art of crawling, both on his belly and his knees...and I couldn't be any more prouder. Not proud b/c I did anything, because I haven't taught him anything about leg placement or pushing off with your feet or alternating your arms, but just proud because he's doing this all on his own. I can't push him or coach him to do this right...all I can do is give him the space to try it out and cheer him on. Amazing how little control I really do have, and yet all is working out SO very well. Thank you God for letting my son grow healthy and strong.
As for the spinning, do all babies do this? haha...I think it's the funniest thing. He'll just sit on his tush and go around in circles. Sometimes as he spins he'll look back at me and flash a huge dimpled smile. You know I just MELT when he does that.
And as for the sitting...well, I don't know how but he literally mastered that in 4-5 days. Sometimes it's still hard for him to go back into crawling position though, but it's all a work in progress.
You go Matthew!!! I'm so proud of you!!

swimming!

So we took Matthew to the pool for the first time this past Monday, and he LOVED it! I thought he'd be scared (b/c he was scared the first time I put him into the bathtub), and he did start off a bit cautious, but 5 minutes in and he was already kicking his legs. I think he's gonna learn to swim before learning to walk! So Huey took him the first two times but now that he's not here (off to Canada for a missions trip) I have to take him to the pool...which means only one thing for me....I have to buy and wear a bathing suit. *DUM DUM DUM! Shrieking noise in the background!* I am the last person on earth who wants to wear one, let alone go shopping for one. I still have another 30 pounds to shed before I even want to see myself in a bathing suit. SIGH...but I must do it for Matthew. Knowing how much M. loves swimming is the only thing that could get me into a bathing suit. Not even Huey could do this. So, sorry to all the people here in Grey Oaks community, make sure you wear your shades and please just look the other way. Just keep your eyes neck up is all I ask.

the cell phone

Matthew LOVES the cell phone. Show him the cell phone from the other end of the room, and he'll start pumping his legs and crawling to get it. He's getting better at crawling!!! :D :D

CRAWLING!! or something like it :P

Matthew is starting to crawl!! Or more like hop? Or face plant? hehe...whatever it is, he's on the move!!

M.'s first haircut!!

Matthew's hair has been growing a lot since he was born, but mostly on the sides. It grows long and curls in on the sides...kinda reminds me of the hair that Hasidic Jews have. It's actually really cute, but 1) people who don't know him think he's a girl, and 2) every time he rubs his face, the hair gets all over his face. So, we finally decided to cut it. First we were going to cut just a little off the side, but then he looked funny...like he had a really bad mullet. So wekept cutting and now...well, now he justhas a really bad bowl cut. :P Sorry baby!!

Ah, but he's still so cute. Love you Matthew!!

Matthew needs some friends.

Whenever Matthew sees an adult, he always eyes them first, as if he's studying to see who they are. He never freely reaches out to them or touches them, just looks. BUT, when he sees a baby or a small kid, he always looks at them and reaches out to touch them. It's as if he knows that they're like him! One time he did that to a two year old girl. He grabbed her arm and tried to pull her closer. Unfortunately, she thought he was trying to hurt her (his grab does feel more like a pinch with his falcon-like nails) and didn't want to play with him. :( Then another time he saw a 5 month old and tried touching his arm to play, but the most a 5 month old could do is just stare back at him, so again he didn't get to play. Poor Matthew...I have to find him some friends. Thankfully he has his cousin Lauren and JJ who very lovingly and willingly let him grab their arm. They'll say "ouch ouch!!" but won't take their arm away from him. :) We love Lauren and JJ!

should i wake him????

Matthew usually eats at about 8pm and sleeps by 9:30pm. Tonight he fell asleep at 7pm and hasn't woken up since. It's now 9:42. :/ Should I wake him up to eat? I really don't want to b/c he's sleeping so soundly. But, he's missed a meal. Will he sleep through the night? Or will he wake up crying for his bottle at 2am? There's only one way to find out..
Whatever happens, for now he's the most beautiful peaceful baby. I love him!

EDIT: he slept through the whole night! :)

Best birthday EVER!!

I wasn't going to post about my bday since this blog is for Matthew, but ever since the baby my memory has gone from bad to almost non-existent. I'm so forgetful of things that if I don't record important events in my life, I may actually deny something ever occurring (yup! that bad!!) or even worse I'll drive myself crazy b/c I can't remember something (like what I got my husband for his birthday this past year. It's killing me!!)

So, a few days ago it was my 30th birthday and it was by far the BEST birthday ever. It was my first time celebrating it as a mom and what a joy it was. Not that Matthew did anything special, I mean he IS only 8 months old (Happy 8 months baby!!) but just to celebrate it with my family...MY family..was....I can't think of a word that would describe the warmth I felt in my heart, and still feel as I think about my birthday all over again. Actually, the party started Sunday night when my inlaws made me a bday dinner. The best part of that night was not the food, but the card I received from my mil. It was really thoughtful. Then on Monday my husband threw me a wonderful surprise party at a yummy Brazillian buffet (all you can eat meat!!!!) where I got to celebrate with my family and friends. He sent out his very first evite, made t-shirts for the lady guests (blue tshirts with a description of the type of person I am to him......*swoon*....), and even had raffles. My husband amazes me sometimes with his creativity and love. And of course Matthew stayed with daddy the whole morning as he got this party set up, and though he missed naps and missed his meal time by an hour, never once did he cry or fuss. He was such a good good boy...my bday gift from him. :*) Then when I got home I received a photo text from my mom. It was two pictures of my parents which was taken about a week ago. A front and back view of them wearing the blue shirts...one from "grandma" one for "grandpa". This is when I started to cry. It meant so much to me that he would include my parents in on this b/c I know how much they would've loved to be at the party.

Don't they look so happy?

The front of the shirt says:

Ecclesiastes 4:12 kind of a Friend.

Proverbs 31:26 Kind of a Sister.

Proverbs 31:27 Kind of a Mother.

Proverbs 31:11 Kind of a Wife.

You are worth more than rubies.

Then the back has "Wifey" on mine with a 3.0. He was going to write "30" but thought I wouldn't want my age on the shirt, so he wrote 3.0 instead. Smart ;)

It's days like this when I remember how beyond blessed I am for my family...my friends...my son..and especially my best friend and husband--Huey. God help me to never EVER take for granted the people in my life, but to tell them and show them how much I love them every chance that I get. :*)

Farting

The other day Matthew farted twice in the car and started cracking up! Since then he seems to crack up at anything that sounds like a fart. hahahah.....That's my boy!

FIRST TOOTH!

I see a tiny little white dot on his lower gum!! If it looks like a tooth, and it feels like a tooth, than it must BE a TOOTH! :D :D My little boy is growing up! I wish I could post a picture of this, but everytime I stick my finger in his mouth to take a look at it, he starts to suck on it.

04.23.10 M sits on his own!

Matthew can sit on his own!! So far his record is about 8 seconds. I'm so proud of him!! :D

always in a good mood after sleeping

matthew is always the happiest after a good meal and a good nap. how could i not fall in love with this little boy over and over again when he flashes his toothless grin at me after waking up?

BIG update..

So, it's been 6 1/2 months (a short 6 1/2 months!!!!!) and already Matthew has grown so much. He can now flip over completely, but only in one direction. Once he's on his tummy he can't get back onto his back. He's so good that he practices even in his sleep, which is great except for the one tiny fact that I have to wake up every hour or so to flip him over. But he's getting better about it. In fact, this past Saturday for the very first time Huey & I saw M. sleeping on his belly. We were so very proud of him. It's funny the things we get proud of now...."OH!! You pooped!!!!" "You burped! Good job Matthew!" hah...bodily functions have never been so significant and celebrated till now. What else....he eats solids now. We introduced cereals (rice, barley and oatmeal so far) starting the beginning of his 6 months. He also eats peas, carrots, sweet potato and banana. I tried giving him pears, but he didn't seem so fond of it...but I think it was b/c the pear I chose wasn't as sweet as it could've been. I'll have to try it again. He's a good eater...takes it after his parents. :) Matthew talks a lot now (says "dada" and "bahbahbah"). Sometimes when he's upset he'll babble as he cries. It sounds like he's trying to tell me using his "words" why he's upset. Most of the time I could decode what he's saying..not that there's much he would say. It's usually "I'm tired mom...how many times do I have to ask you to put me to bed w/my pacifier??" or "I'm hungry!!! GIVE ME FOOOOOOOODD!!!!!" M.'s also grabbing things, loves to bang on things (his fingerprints are all over the shelf next to the changing table and the closet mirrors) and he absolutely loves jumping in his jumperoo. He's growing so fast! There was a time when I'd put him in the "jew" (zoo...but my mom pronounces it "jew" and we've called it that ever since) and he'd just stare at all the little animals dangling from the top. Now he grabs at it and sometimes even pulls things off! ahh....i love watching him grow. LOVE IT! My only complaint is that he's now addicted to his pacifier. If it's not in his mouth while he sleeps, he'll sleep for a bit until he realizes that it's fallen out and will moan and groan (w/his eyes closed) until I stick it back in. Therefore, there hasn't been a single night where I've been able to sleep for a full 7 hours with him in the room. Will I ever be able to sleep? Hmmm...what else what else.... Oh, he got his first heat rash on Easter. I think the poor boy got exzema (sp?) since then b/c he has a rash on both sides of his face like sideburns, and bumpy dry patches on his legs and arms. Somedays it's worse than others, but it's always kinda there. It's funny, when we went to the doctor for it (b/c i HAD to get it checked out..even if the doctor tells me it's nothing, I just need to hear it from him) I explained all about his rash and what not, and Huey later told me that our version of the story is so different. He thought all was normal. Hah...Am I too anal of a mom? Maybe I'm too ....what's the word...sensitive?...high maintenance?...ugh, I can't think of the word (another side effect of having a baby. My vocabulary has decreased which has directly effected my ability to communicate...SIGH.) Anyway, ...OH! the word I'm looking for is uptight. (YES! Mommy brain--You have no hold over me!) Am I too uptight of a mom? IDK.....i see it as better safe than sorry! Eh, whatever. In any case, I'm digressing. The point is, Matthew has grown heaps in the past few months, and I need to update more often so that i don't end up writing one big hodgepodge of an entry.

 

Happy 100th day!

Matthew's crazy hair (March '10)

M.'s first time on an airplane.

M. playing on his jumperoo!

He loves to read!

Playing w/great grandma (whang halmuhnee!)

what i've learned about love in my first year and 6 months of marriage...

loving my husband is not about me...it's not about what i can get or how i can benefit...it's just about giving...selflessly...about making him feel the best about himself...it's about doing the little things and the big things...it's about going the extra mile....and then going another mile with a joyful heart...it's about knowing what makes him happy and doing just that...it's about knowing what makes him tick and avoiding that...it's about encouraging him to dream big and live to fulfill that dream...it's about seeing the potential in him and nurturing that even if he seems a bit unsteady...it's about giving hugs...it's about planning surprises...it's about praying for him and fighting for him...it's being able to celebrate his successes as well as his failures...it's about loving him just as he is...it's about being honest to help him be better...it's about holding back the truth to avoid unnecessary heartache...it's about my heart breaking when his heart breaks...it's about caring for his family...it's about affirming him and his role as the man in my life.........[more to be added]....

loving my husband is the easiest thing and the hardest thing....it's easy to love him because he's so wonderful and perfect for me...it's hard to love him because sometimes i love me more. God teach me how to love my husband the way you love him.

my little man

Matthew was born on September 26, 2009. It's only been a short 4 1/2 months since he's entered our lives, yet he's already grown so much! Starting at 7lbs 12 oz, 20 inches long, he's now more than doubled in weight and has grown another 5 inches! Not only that, his personality and awareness of his surroundings has also changed greatly. He used to just lay and stare into space, hardly ever making eye contact for more than 3 seconds and the only times he'd smile was in his sleep. But in month 2 he started smiling, and now in month 4 he laughs, smiles, shrieks, plays on his tummy, grabs for things, loves to stand (though he still can't sit on his own), holds up his head pretty steady (that happened around month 3), babbles, says "umma" (though he doesn't know yet what that means) attempts to roll over (i think he's had about 3 known successful tries), and sucks on anything he can get his hands on. The most amazing thing though is that neither my husband or I have taught him to do any of this. We try to help him practice grabbing things or turning over, but when he's ready he just does it on his own. It's amazing how he's learning such big things at such a little age, and what a joy it is when I witness each milestone. Each time my heart fills with pride and joy.. :) I can't wait to see what else he'll do in the next few months!

Hello World!

I used to journal all the time. I loved writing down my thoughts with my fine point pens and seeing the actual print reflect the emotion of the event I was recording, yet somewhere in between getting married and starting a family the act of writing has become time-consuming and laborious. Still I want to capture and record every moment, since my memory is unreliable. So here I am starting a blog online. The words in Times New Roman font seems so impersonal, but it's just much easier and quicker to type. Maybe it just takes time getting used to. Anyway, so here it is...a space for me to type out all my stories, small and big...stories that make me happy, sad, scared, or anxious...stories that one day I'll look back on and feel accomplished, full and content.

So hello blogging world! Let's hope I can continue my journaling days via blogging. Cheers!